HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FUCKING CORK BOARD?

OH HI, I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN. PROBABLY BECAUSE I'M IN YOUR HOUSE ON THE FUCKING TV, BILLY MAYS HERE. DO YOU HAVE DOCUMENTS AND SHIT THAT AREN'T IN ORDER? BULLETINS NOT GETTING NOTICED AS MUCH AS YOU HOPED? THEN CHECK OUT THIS FUCKING CORK BULLETIN BOARD MADE BY MY FRIENDS AT GHENT. THIS FUCKING THING HAS AN ALUMINUM FRAME FOR FUCKS SAKE. SIX FEET LONG AND FOUR FEET WIDE, THIS FUCKING THING CAN TAKE EXTREME TACKING ABUSE AND LOOK AS GOOD AS THE DAY YOU BOUGHT IT. TOO BAD I CAN'T SAY THE SAME ABOUT YOUR MOM. THINK ABOUT HOW MANY PICTURES OF BILLY FUCKING MAYS YOU COULD FIT ON THIS THING! ANY BITCH IN YOUR OFFICE WILL FUCK YOU RIGHT THEN AND THERE WHEN THEY SEE YOUR STYLE AND EXCELLENT TASTE IN CORK BOARDS. ANYTHING YOU PUT ON THIS FUCKING THING AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES TRUE. DON'T BELIEVE ME? PUT A BULLETIN UP THERE READING "MY BOSS IS A RAMPANT HOMOSEXUAL" AND HE WILL BE FULL BLOWN GAY BY THE END OF THE DAY SO AS TO NOT OFFEND BILLY MAYS AND THE CORK BOARD GODS. YOU CAN'T FUCKING LIVE WITHOUT THIS THING, BECAUSE I WON'T LET YOU. CALL NOW!